I need to start off by saying that Jen and I are in a good place. Moving to TN propelled us headlong into a deeper relationship and understanding with each other and with God. I am not saying that everything is easy, actually everything that has happened or is currently happening is difficult. The job I have dedicated the last eleven years of my professional life to is coming to a close. As a family we felt led to serve Jen's sister with our time, talents and gifts (knowing the journey and outcome would be difficult) as well as the stress of leaving family and friends. This, oddly enough has been exactly what we needed. I will explain. Moving took away any safety net we ever had, it exposed the need to live life with no comforts of a home, not hiding in the comfort of friends and no idea what tomorrow would bring. Living this way reveals the need to not rely on anything but Him, and that's what we are doing. Jen and I often joke that today we are in TN, tomorrow we could be half way across the world and if that's what He wants then we will gladly go. Living this way also reveals where you are personally and spiritually. It forces you to take a long hard look at yourself and make one of two decisions. Either ignore what is before you and slip deeper into oblivion or face the reality willingly and be challenged to change. We chose change. It has been the drum beat of every decision, every conversation and every day. God revealed the need for us to depend on Him and grow. He also revealed that all we have is now, not our past or the promise of tomorrow but the here and now. This grants you the freedom to consider all things joy, even the things you felt you would have to do without. One of those things we had to let go of was the promise of having another child. For three and a half years we have tried and just recently let go. We accepted the idea that this might not be His will even though it is our desire. In place of that we chose Him and found He was sufficient.
Jen and I just started asking God "what's next?". With Jamie leaving we turned to Him and said, "ok, you asked us to do this with no guarantee of a positive result and we did, we served. Where else would you have us focus, who should we display love to like you have given us" and God's response was "In your family" needless to say He has chosen to bless us with another child. Jen found out that she is pregnant and I could not be more in awe and in love with God. Even as I write this I am crying with joy.
I want to thank everyone who has walked this journey with Jen and I, who have prayed for our family and the blessing of another child. Your prayers and ours have been answered.