Who's out of shape?

So i decided it was time to stop "hanging out" and start WORKING OUT. I am used to doing so many different things I decided a change was in order. Before bed I announce to Jen that I want to run. Jen springs to life and says "are you serious" to which I respond "yes" but the crazed look in her eyes makes me start wondering if that announcement was a good idea. Jen says "we will get up at 5:00 / 5:30 and run a mile". I agree and think that doesn't sound bad, after all a mile isn't that far.
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ the alarm clock goes off and I am up and getting ready. Jen follows and within minutes we are outside stretching. Jen mapped out a mile run in the complex early on so we knew where we were going. On a side note, this is TN so hills every 50 yards or so! We start off and within 100 steps or so I am trying to control my breath. Jen casually asks "is everything ok?" and I respond "Yes (breath, breath) my legs are fine (breath, breath) but I am trying to control my breathing". After about 200 more steps Jen asks again "how are you" and at this point I have switched, it's no longer my breathing that is the major issue (still an issue though) but now it's my legs! I explain this to Jen in as little words as possible. I figure by the end of the run I will be down to grunts and hand signals at this rate. Jen responds with "your doing great, keep on going". After what seems a lifetime Jen says "Halfway there"... HALFWAY my mind screams. She's gotta be joking. I would have swore we passed halfway a while ago. At this point I am running and breathing so hard I am spitting and the nagging voice in my head that is trying to convince me to stop is very loud and laughing at me. Jen on the other hand is talking most of the way. It seems effortless to her, like we are out for a Sunday stroll or something. A few hours later (seemed like it anyway) Jen announces "THREE QUARTERS DOWN, We are in the home stretch". She explains that we are going to go down a hill and I should conserve energy, let the hill just take me. I on the other hand am losing control of an arm, parts of my facial muscles and a leg. We get to the bottom of the hill and I realize that I did get a small rest, I feel a bit better. Two seconds later I realize the final part of our run is UP HILL! Jen says "Get on the balls of your feet and push off, attack the hill" or something like that. I am so starved of oxygen that my hearing is about twenty percent and I think she said "Your feet are like balls and the hill will attack you". In addition, my vision is being clouded by darkness (I think it's death coming to take me!) Up the hill we go and WOW I am on fire. I can see the house now so needless to say my body is rationalizing that if I stopped now it's all good, the finish line isn't the house after all. All I need to do is get close...
We finish (at the house) and I am sure I suffered a mild heart attack or something. I look up at Jen and she is stretching her legs. I am bent over, hands on knees wondering if laying on the pavement and taking a nap is acceptable. I take a moment, catch my breath and head in to get ready for work. All in all I was a complete mess but I FINISHED. Since then we have run three more times and it is already getting so much better. We are actually going to extend the run tomorrow to a mile and a half so stay tuned and pray often.