Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The whole truth and nothing but!

OK, I had to post here. I was reading over Jen's last post and she missed a few details of the "event" I thought made the story. The night started out with playing (we actually called it Family Fun Friday, which in turn sent my creative brain off on an exploration to find as many F words as I could make the night into... I got to nine!) Anyway, we played hide and go seek and then a game I named Body Letters. Actually a cool game where we challenged Andon to form his body into a letter that me and Jen had to guess. Blah blah you get the picture we were having some fun!

Jen went out on the porch and was talking to a neighbor while I was sitting down (body letters had me completely worn out!) The neighbor is some man who has a couple of nasty little rats (oops, meant dogs). Everytime I walk our dog his dog barks, growls and stands on its rear legs as to intimidate me (its a schnauzer... small dogs complex.. nuph said). So Jen is making nice with the neighbor and out runs Andon... a growl, viscious bark and a scream (Jen screaming like in a horror film, Alfred Hitchcock movie, real loud, means the sky is falling, the end has come and the earth is opening up to swallow us all). In a reaction to that sound I am about 7 foot off the floor legs moving at mock speed (cartoon version of road runner) moving towards the porch when I meet Jen. She is holding Andon and screaming he got bit! I am now out on the porch yelling at that man, I know what your thinking, what am I doing yelling at a man I barely know but... (always a but) Every time I see this man his dogs are out of control, add that to the fact that the only time I "lose it" is when Andon or Jen are being harmed and you have mean Jared. So... I stop yelling at the man because he is now walking away and all I can hear is Andon screaming in the bathroom. Again I am 7 foot off the ground, legs moving like a cartoon etc and in the bathroom I find myself.

Jen on one side of me and Andon on the other. Jen is walking in circles trying to catch her thoughts, Andon is MAD... "That dog is GUILTY" (sooo funny) and I am trying to assess and do damage control. As I am calming Andon down and looking at his finger Jen announces "Is that his finger tip on the floor" Andon looks at me, eyes widen to the size of saucers and here it comes, the flood of emotions. I immediately look at Jen and shoot lasers from my eyes as to say "not the best timing for that remark" I remark NOOOOO! and focus back on Andon. As I looked over his finger inside Jared (the voice in my head) says "Holy Moly the tip of his finger is missing, was that it on the floor" but was surfaces to my mouth is "oh it's not that bad". Inside Jared is planning the route to the nearest hospital, coordinating Jen to get ready for the trip etc but what surfaces again is "Hamburger"! I decided to make light of what was a possible bad situation so I knicknamed Andon's finger Hamburger! It caught his attention and I think Jens and we came down from RED ALERT!

Actually I knew it was not an issue. Based on my vast knowledge of the human anatomy and countless medical degrees I could assess that the pinky finger (other wise known as the useless digit) was cut in a place that could not be stitched. A band aid, a joke and a funny memory is what we are left with (and Andon's new knickname Hamburger!)


Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

Oh my goodness Jared!! That is a few details definitely worthy of adding. You had me laughing the whole time.
I feel like I was actually there. I know it may not be the right thing, but I am glad that you did some yelling. Just don't tell me all the words you used :)

Kelly said...

Oh, my... thanks so much! I needed some comic relief this morning. I am sure it wasn't funny at the time, but thanks!! Hope Andon is doing better! Guess you won't be serving Hamburgers for a while!

Jackie Sue said...

Just love the two versions of the same story! The male version...slightly exaggerative...but, full of calm and wisdom :) and the female story...the mom is screaming and the kid is screaming and there is a finger missing and then calm...glad everyone is ok. How was school today???

Anonymous said...

Oh, that is so funny!! Jared, you have a way of telling that story. You definitely write like you talk! Poor Andon. I do feel bad he lost part of his finger, though. That part isn't funny. Can't wait to hear how school was. I'll have to call soon. Christie

Largaespada Family said...

I think most of the comments summed it up!

Hillarious Jared! (love the road-runner image)!