Saturday, June 28, 2008

Good Hard Questions

Jen and I have a great relationship, though it is not absent of hard times. As I sit here and write I think back to those hard times and see them as the greatest growing periods. I often think that the hard times present the greatest opportunity for growth and realization. I think I have always known that what you put into something you will get out, but never really focused on the "putting in". A couple of years ago a good friend of mine spoke on the topic of growth and asking the tough questions that would lead to growth. The topic centered around your relationship with your spouse and when I heard the exercise I immediately thought that this was something I would adopt. I considered them the "Good Hard Questions". Somewhat scary to ask but 100% necessary to really get a picture of how your spouse views the state of the relationship and the direction it is going. I haven't asked the questions in about a month so I figured I would do it here (it has definitely helped Jen and I and hope it will help others too.) So here we go.

Question #1 (from Jared to Jen):
What is one thing I am doing that you want me to continue doing?

Answer (from Jen to Jared):
I am so thankful for the time you spend with Andon. Every night when you get home from work, after dinner, you take him upstairs and play, read, wrestle etc. and then give him his bath. That is my first alone time of the day since he no longer takes a nap. So I am so thankful for two reasons. My alone time and your together time. :)

Question #2 (from Jared to Jen):
What is the one thing I am doing you wish I would stop doing?

Answer (from jen to Jared):
Well, since we're getting ready to move we have to downsize from our 2200 sq ft house to a smaller one for a while. I wish you would stop trying to get me to get rid of all my great furniture. I can find a way to make most of it work. I know it's just stuff but eventually we will have to buy it again and I don't want to.

Question #3 (from Jared to Jen):
What is the one thing I am not doing you wish I would start doing?

Answer (from Jen to Jared):
Oh my, where to begin! :) haha... just playing.
I would love if you would surprise me with date nights and little things. When we were dating you would always bring me york peppermint patties and little things. I loved it! So I guess random little surprises would be fun. :)

OK, here's the important part, it's easy to ask the questions. The real test (and payoff) happens when you take the answers in, apply thought towards solutions which lead to growth... -Jared and Jen


Anonymous said...

Aw, thanks for sharing! We don't ask these questions enough of each other! They are so helpful though!

Jackie Sue said...

Good questions...good answers! Keep up the good work. I sure am gonna miss our starbucks meetings Jen. Really gonna miss our time :(

Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

We are reading Sacred Influence in our small group and he challenges you to ask exactly those questions! I haven't done it yet, but I will now. Thanks for the challenge.

Anonymous said...

Wow, thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing. It's a challenge to all us married folks to ask the hard questions!

Jen I have to agree... you have some great furniture! :)